I am having a hard time tonight :( feeling a little down about lacie. Tonight was the Halloween party at church, and instead of lacie enjoying herself.. .. she hated it. She screamed and cry ed almost the entire time.
My mind goes back to earlier this year when all day everyday my mind was consumed with teaching Lacie. I had so much that I needed to get her caught up on that's all I could think about. When I was teaching lacie that my name is mama she was about 2 or a few months after her 2end birthday. I would take her finger and point it at myself and say mama and then take her finger and point it at herself and say Lacie. My heart just breaks thinking about that. To this day that is the only was she uses my name.. she doesn't call for me when she needs me... I dont ever hear her say Mama .. mama... .. mamam...~! Or mama look as she points to something. why? why? cant she do this? When she see's other people that she knows she will say their names... but never mine? Unless of coarse she is just playing the name game.. ie* this is a drink, this is a shirt.., Noah, Lacie, Mama, Daddy. Why cant she tell me whats on her mind. Not just a one word conversation. My heart is breaking.. I am tired of people with good intentions who do not understand what I am going threw.. tell me that everything is ok. I know that Lacie has came along way. I mean she started the diet back in late January.. early February and she couldn't speak one word.. not one. she could not wave good bye or hello. she wouldn't point at anything ever. she couldn't even play patty cake. .. and she was getting close to being 2 years old. I know we have made some serious progress this past year.. .. my heart just breaks when I see her struggle.. and it comes so easy to other children. .. If I hear another mother complain that they wish their kids would stop calling their name.. mommy mommy.. .. mommy.. I think I might scream. That is a blessing.. It is a blessing to be called mommy.
I hate to hear tonight wasn't much fun..you were so excited. I know it's not easy..worrying about our kids. Wishing they had a fair chance..to be "normal". I don't mean to change the spotlight to my troubles or anything..but struggling with Judah is all I know these days...and it is so hard. I Just want you to know I understand the feeling of your heart breaking for your child... I imagine His heart breaks for His children (us) too..The difference is He can take the brokeness and make something beautiful..and He will. We don't always understand but He does..and some day we will too :) Love you.
ReplyDeleteIt is very much a blessing to be called Mommy!!! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Rebekka! I know you are going threw hard times with Judah. I can not imagine. :) I know everything has away of working itself out.. I am sure Lacie in the end will be just fine.. the problem is its not the end..lol..:) I know this to be true with Judah too! I know you believe that in the end he will be perfect.. but its not the end. Its going up the mountain thats hard.. I love you too.. hugs :)
ReplyDeleteWow my two daughters! I am so proud of you two being in each others corner!! It truly is an answered prayer. I love you both so very much!
ReplyDeleteYou are both right too! God knows the beginning from the end. He sees what beauty he can make with broken vessels. The truth is he is working on the two of you, more than your children. Trust Him to know what is best.